Temporary Healing (poem)

I wouldn't consider myself much of a poet but I do thoroughly enjoy reading and writing a good poem. This one I wrote is about substance abuse. Even though I have never had to deal with it myself, you see people quite often that are dealing with it.
I would enjoy some input so I can better my skills.



Unhappiness led the man to such a substance
A temporary medicine for his indefinite sadness
While in the moment, he was cleansed of all his pain
When the needle went empty it did return again.

Repentance was not felt for any of his actions
Until thirty years later it creeped and caught up
Now the same man gets out of his bed in the morning
And asks himself how he got to be where he was.

Hello Bowser. I normally would have commented on this shortly after its posting, but I have been slow to respond lately.

I thought the poem was pretty good for somebody who wouldn't "consider themselves much of a poet". I cannot give you any advice on how to improve, as I am not truly a poet myself. I write poetry here and there, but it is more out of feeling than technique, which is why I can't offer any grand wisdom.

Well done ,and I hope to see more from you in the future.

-Bost.

"Consider me a fool for eating the best-tasting dog treat created by mankind's greed."

-Drowelite

Hey Bowser. I too have been very slow to respond lately. RL gets pretty busy at times.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I think you captured some meaningful ideas about why some people might seek out such substances and how, in the end, it only makes things worse.

As for the wording of the poem, I'll be honest and say that I found it a little cumbersome. Overall the effect seems rather formal and distant. Phrases like "to such a substance" and "it did return again" for example. And also you've used a very "distant" approach calling him "the man" in third person and talking about his actions in a very objective way.

Now that might be exactly what you were aiming for - a rather cool and analytical "study" of the situation. But my personal preference is for poetry to be evocative, to draw out emotions. So I think I would have preferred it if at least he used "him" or "he" rather than "the man" and perhaps shorter, "gutsier" phrases that really make the ideas hit the reader hard.

Just my two cents though... poetry is a very personal thing! Hopefully we'll see more of yours in the future.